Tuesday, 25 August 2015

Howling at the moon

Things have been a  bit up and down lately.

Getting  older isnt much fun,thinking about retirement, creaking bones, wrinkles, singlehood and white hair......
There are days I want to find an open field ( impossible in our crowded city), lie down and just stare at the sky and when darkness falls, sit up and howl at the moon.

Then there are days when I relish singlehood, being alone and the wrinkles and the white hair.....

Must be the meds...........

Tuesday, 4 August 2015

On my way to Sepang..or the end of procrastination

Procrastination is my middle name

I will sit back and let life take over and rarely do the things I want to do.  I figure that if I wait long enough the window of opportunity will expire and then I can just say, "oh well too late..."

I am tired of procrastinating.  I want to stop procrastinating......that should have been one of my new years resolutions...I wonder if its too late to add on a resolution.....anyway

I have always wanted to go to Sepang to watch a MotoGP race, but I hesitated because I didnt want to go on my own.  I recently realised that I have to do this on my own.
If I want to go and see the world, see and do the things I want to do, I have to do it on my own.

So this year I will be going to Sepang.....on my own.  I have got my one day leave approved, bought and paid for the tickets to the races, the flight to Kuala Lumpur and a hotel.
and I am excited.  Come October 24th, I will be in Sepang to finally watch a race live!

Heres to the end of procrastination..... I hope



Friday, 17 July 2015

Adventures of living with my adult son

I am not a girly girl, I am a sensible straight up woman who sometimes does have visions (nightmares) of pink and lace bedrooms and pretty things......then I wake up and sigh with relief.

I still have an adult son living with me, it's Asia, kids stay with parents till parents kick them out, which rarely happens....or till they find a spouse that won't tolerate living with the in laws.
I have no such luck...no woman will want to marry that dolt still living with me, and my hints of him moving out fall on deaf ears.

So being a sensible woman I am not fazed by a tall hairy man wandering around in his underwear all around the flat, we even have conversations in the kitchen, with him in his skivvies, he is after all my little baby.  Big hairy baby now.
He doesn't pick up after him self, he leaves his folded laundry on the coffee table, just where I left it a week ago. Yes, I still do his laundry.... And I can go on about him....

He works almost 7 days a week at times,  for the sports council here, and this week is no different, yet he will still go out drinking with his friends who work the usual 5 day week, and on days like today (a public holiday) while everyone can sleep in after partying hard the night before, this little shit of mine has to work. As he is shitfaced, he usually is late.....
It's slightly different today though.

He stumbles out of his room at 9am, I watch him head to my room,

Me: oi! Where u going?
Him: hmmrmmmphmmm

Is he going to use my bathroom? What's wrong with his?
20 mins later I thought I'd better check if he had fallen asleep in my toilet.....and I found this, the idiot asleep in my bed!  Worse part he drools .......will have to wash my sheets now.....



Tuesday, 14 July 2015

Guilt

I am lying in bed typing this post on my iPad while my tummy churns, cramps and leaves me exhausted because of the pain.....yet I feel guilty about not being at work.

It's a common trait handed down by mothers to daughters especially if you are Indian....
Or maybe it's just me?

Could it be linked to the control thing? right now I am not in control of my body and how it is making me feel, I can't leave my bed, or bedroom as the toilet is a hop skip and a jump away, or in my case, a mad scramble to get to the loo in time.
But I feel guilty that I am not at work, doing my job. It's a horrible feeling.  I know I can't make it to work today, and I know it's ridiculous to feel this way, yet I can't help myself.

Some how somewhere this guilt complex stays within me making me feel like a failure when I get sick.....
Another twist in my already twisted life.....

Monday, 29 June 2015

the beach getaway

When Singaporeans need to get away for a  bit we either got to Bali, Phuket or to a couple of islands close by,  Batam or Bintan.  2 friends and I decided to find an island to get away from work  and we found this little treasure further afield.  An island that was a 1.5 hours  motorized boat ride away from Batam.

The resort is built like the fishermens village on stilts in the sea, its rustic and there are no shops or entertainment on the island. Its just the resort.
I was apprehensive about the boat ride as  I cant swim so water terrifies me, especially on a big open expanse of water. sitting in a ferry isnt so bad, but when we went to the little boat, I felt my stomach tighten and while I am not a religious woman, I did  say a little prayer while getting on the boat.



sunset


Hot sticky and full  of sea spray, we arrived in the middle of the afternoon at Telunas Beach Resort.

There was running water, electricity from a generator a nice balcony, comfortable beds and towels.
my deck chair under the tree
You could see the sea under the floorboards of the room.





The beach had white soft sand and about a million baby crabs which we duly chased each morning.  The water however was not so clear, which was a disappointment.

As this is the only resort on the island, the whole package included the 3 meals.  They had this lobby/cafe where we had all our meals.The food wasnt  anything to write home about but it was plentiful and filled our stomachs.

army of baby crabs





We ate, slept, sat on the beach and lazed around all day. We terrorised hermit crabs, took pictures, had wine after dinner and played cards.
baby crabs
It was relaxing, quiet and fun, Not a television in sight..... although some people had brought their ipads with them loaded with movies and kids programs







This place is not for the city person who wants a  shop till you drop type of holiday, its a place to go to when you want to recharge, relax and to reconnect with yourself.
And we definitely achieved that.



hammocks by the beach
hermit crab in a snail shell, one of the poor ones we terrorised
dusk
sunrise 

Tuesday, 16 June 2015

another twist in the tuscany tale

So I may not be able to do Tuscany this year after all

Last year,  my sister who lives in London, had an operation to reconstruct her right foot, and once she had healed fully, she was supposed to do her left foot.  Its been a year and she is going to see her surgeon tomorrow to find out if she will have the operation this year in October or November, or to wait a bit more till next year.

My sister has her partner to help her but this is round the clock care and she needs someone to cook and serve her meals, help her with everything, throughout the whole day.  I helped her last year for 2 weeks ( which wasnt enough) and I promised her I would go help her again when she did the left foot.

As I dont have enough leave to have a holiday and to play mum and nurse to my sister, I will have to wait and see what the surgeon says before I make any holiday plans.

kind of sweet really, no not her operation, but the fact that the decision has been sort of made for me.....

till tomorrow then.....


Friday, 12 June 2015

to tuscany I go ....or not

So I had grand plans to go to Tuscany for a walking tour this September.,however the walk that I was interested in didn't have a group walk scheduled for September.

There was the option to go for a private walk where it was just me and the guide but that would cost me the equivalent of a third word country's economic deficit... well slight exaggeration but you get the drift..
There was a scheduled walk for the end of October but that would clash with the dates of the MotoGP in Sepang, Malaysia, which I intend to go for.

The whole idea for this walk in Tuscany was to get out to explore the Tuscan countryside and small towns, with my trusty camera. While I was in Tuscany in September, I planned to catch the MotoGP in Misano which is about a few hours drive away from Florence.

Rossi in action
It would have been sweet to catch Valentino Rossi (my favourite rider in the GP)  in Misano.  Rossi is one of the veterans in the MotoGP but is doing exceptionally well this  season, and to catch him at his home race would be an ultimate " I can die happy now " experience.

So now I have to decide what I want to do.






A. Go to Tuscany anyway this September and just explore Florence and another city and watch Rossi at Misano and do Sepang as well.

Or

B.  Forget Tuscany this year and just catch Rossi at the Sepang Race, and do the Tuscany walk next year and catch Rossi next season at Misano.


Making decisions have never been one of my strengths...I procrastinate to the point where its too late to do anything and then just think... oh well.

I also am a little apprehensive as I will be doing it all alone.
Not afraid of being alone just worried about rapists,murderers, robbers and pickpockets and those sorts of things.
I should put on my big girl face and just go and explore the world by myself as waiting for the perfect time when I can get someone to go with me, will probably never happen...

so lets see if I make it to Tuscany this year.....





Monday, 8 June 2015

challenging indeed...

Challenging......he said our next walk would be challenging....

We did 12 kms off road, and some on road but mostly sandy rocky paths and oh MY GOD there were slopes and stairs to climb. it certainly pushed me to my limits.

Map of MacRitchie
We met at 7.30am at MacRitchie Reservoir Park for our walk around the reservoir.   Its a beautiful water catchment area, a little bit of a green lung in the middle of our built up skyscraper of a city.  There are monkeys, monitor lizards, snakes (I didn't stumble over any, thank god..) and a variety of birds....but I saw none of that as I was concentrating on my footing on the rocky paths, and trying to avoid all the traffic...
traffic ?? you say....yes traffic.
There were so may runners on the narrow paths that  avoiding them took full concentration.

We even managed to get to the tree top walk by 9am, I did not however take advantage of the view....something about being scared of heights that kept me from looking out to enjoy the wonder of being up there with the tree tops.

It was extremely humid and hot and both of us were exhausted by the time we reached the cafe for a much needed round of nourishment.

no I didnt take this pic...too scared to let go of the sides
It is a magnificent walk to do.  Even with the annoying number of fit people that you have to avoid on the trails, it was a beautiful way to start the weekend.

I didnt get to do a walk this weekend  past and P is going away soon which will leave me to get on with my own planning and training...

lets see how that goes!



In case you want to see some pictures I took on another occasion I was at the Reservoir - see my flickr account
https://www.flickr.com/photos/102809648@N06/sets/72157646994182595


Thursday, 28 May 2015

what a difference a herb makes....


I loathe taking any types of medication.

When I was little and there was no inhalers for my asthma, I had to take a few pills every day and most of the time I used to hide it under the cushions in the kitchen.  I didnt get better of course, but at least they werent sticking in my throat....

As I get older and the body starts to fall apart, I have realised that some pills I dont have a choice but to take, and some I actually have chosen to take ( like the natural estrogen supplements)

I  have to take my thyroid meds first thing in the morning,and thats one small little pill, then after breakfast I take one vitamin D pill and 2 pills that are a herbal estrogen supplement to help me stay calm, cool and collected, to make sure I dont become the  crazy snarling bitch that sweats intermittently.

7 dwarfs all in one 
When the manufacturers of the herbal estrogen supplement changed some of the ingredients, I found that the mood swings and hot flashes were becoming detrimental to my health and everyone else within arms length of me....
I was crying for no apparent reason, I couldnt sleep as the hot flashes kept me awake at night and well....I was just one miserable cow.

So I ordered some additional  herbal supplements (Black Kohosh) that were lacking in the pills I already had, to help with the mood swings and the hot flashes.
Its been three days and my general mood has taken a whole new dimension......I am a different person, I feel more alert and positive and happy.  The hot flashes are getting better as well.

Is it possible for the supplements to take effect so quickly?  The way I am feeling...I think yes it can.
Possible side effects?
There are side effects though, but as I am only going to be taking the black kohosh supplement for a month I guess the risks would be minimal....right?  After a month I am changing to a different natural estrogen supplement that would include all the herbs I need.

Even with side effects ( like a slight woozy headache in the morning) and the fact that I now have to pop a total of 5 pills, I am thrilled that the black kohosh has made a difference to my general well being.

Men have it so much easier, no periods, no giving birth, no hormone imbalance,  no menopause..... bastards...

Tuesday, 26 May 2015

relatively fit indeed.....

So on Sunday morning I was up early and out of the house before 7am to meet with P to start my 'training"

P had planned a walk starting from the National Stadium (which is now our Sports Hub and a brilliant place to meet and exercise..) down by the Kallang River, up to the Marina Barrage area and past Gardens by the Bay and Marina Bay sands, and back again.  Its a scenic, flat area to walk and its about 11 kms if you do the full circle, which we did.

When P said it would take us about 2 to 2.5 hours to do the round,  I didnt think I would be able to do it.  I surprised myself though, and because P set a slow pace that I could manage, it turned out to be a very pleasant Sunday morning walk.  We kept a decent pace and finished the 11 kms in 2 hours and a bit.  We stopped at one point for a short breather (purely for me as P runs marathons for goodness sake and he definitely was not showing any signs of being tired..) , and for me to adjust my shoes.  The promise of a hot coffee and breakfast at the end of the line also made up for any tiredness I was feeling.

I am quite proud of myself for completing it and there is no way I would have done it without having P there with me.   So P has been promoted to Personal trainer and this coming weekend we are going to try something a little more challenging....

Now that I am getting into the swing of this walking thing, I may need to go buy some new exercise gear......





Friday, 22 May 2015

save my soul wanderlust

Every so often I get itchy feet.

Or rather my soul feels restless and I have this urge to leave everything and everyone behind.

Its been awhile since I had a holiday and by holiday I mean a few weeks of traveling and being on my own to explore.  Yes,  that costs money, and a good boss who will let me take off for 3 weeks. Money wise, I usually set aside a few thousand every year for house improvements, and I figure this year  that money can go into my "save my soul" budget. The boss... well fingers crossed my leave gets approved...

I have booked a short beach getaway in June with a couple of the girls and that will help to restore some balance..... but its not enough.  

San Gimignano
I have wanted to do Tuscany for  some time now and I found a few companies that offer walking tours through the Tuscan towns and hills.  It will allow me the opportunity to wander and take pictures, visit old monasteries, walk medieval streets and if I plan it right, be in Tuscany for the MotoGP in September.

Its a 7 day walking tour through towns like Sienna, San Gimignano, and I can end up in Florence where I intend to spend a few days gawking at renaissance art.

I am relatively fit (apart from the asthma) but walking a few miles each day is something that will require some preparation.
So this Sunday morning I will start my 'training' with P ( sweet man that he is, has volunteered to help me with my training) and we begin with a 5 to 6 mile walk on a flat surface....

I may have to do this on my own but if anyone out there wants to join me for a soul cleansing walk through history.... leave a comment.


Wednesday, 20 May 2015

red dawn

its been hot

and I have been taking pictures of the rising sun this past week as when its a red dawn you know  its going to be a hot day...
This morning....6.30am

Monday
Tuesday


Monday, 18 May 2015

Menopause mayhem

So the usual supplements I take to lessen the mayhem that comes with menopause, were no longer available from my suppliers
The manufacturers changed the contents of the supplements and left out a few key herbs that helped with mood swings, depression and hot sweats.....

So for the last few weeks I have been on a roller coaster ride with mood swings and tears.
And unfortunately it's been while I have been at work.
My twin in Perth told me off, "stop being so negative and try no to let your emotions get the better of u at work."

It's been tough.  I was left without one member of our small admin team and I assumed I was supposed to take over everything....I take on too much as it is and I started feeling fatalistic and took on the persona of the usual victim who's mantra is always"why me".....
I have been trying to let some positive shine through but the easy option of wrapping up myself in a cocoon of woe was too easy.

So I ordered some new supplements (they don't come till the end of the month) and am trying to maintain a clean eating regime which does help a bit...
Will I be able to focus and be positive at work?   I don't know,  but I am going to try and snap out of the misery and woe and see how I can turn this into a good thing...

Until the new supplements arrive and while I am still struggling with being overwhelmed at work, I shall lay blame for the mayhem at the feet of that old devil..menopause.


Sunday, 17 May 2015

Find someone to sit with you.....

My mother calls me almost everyday, just for a quick chat.

Recently Dads death anniversary had come around and she was feeling reflective and depressed and lonely.She missed Dad, even though he sometimes was a shit head, he was her shithead and they would have been doing things together.  "Find someone" she told me.

That night I watched re runs of Wallander, and in that particular episode,  the main character's father tells him "Find someone to sit with you"

Its getting harder to delude myself into thinking that I can just be alone, I know that  I want  a companion, friend and lover, I don't  want a person forever constantly at my heels but someone who has his own life and we occasionally spend holidays or do things together... Someone willing to let me into his life and actually want to give me some of his time and someone who would let me be independent and have my own time.

So those words were a kind of wake up call.....because I want someone to be with me, I want to find someone I can have that slightly strange relationship with ..............someone who wants to sit with me.........




Monday, 11 May 2015

a fuck off bitch face

I lack the necessary skills to communicate with my fellow colleagues.......or perhaps its just that my feelings towards some of my colleagues show clearly on my face.

I sit in the management meetings ( yes i somehow am part of the small management team) and I have to give updates on the usual office things and  some of the items on my list are stupid nonsense that needs saying like "wear your access pass cos we dont have a receptionist anymore to let you into the office."

So I tend to be serious in these meetings and I was just told by the boss that I should be careful in case people got the wrong impression.......
So while I think half of the people on the management team dont walk the talk they preach, I have to try to be civil to them during meetings.....

I am not here to make friends, its just work....and when I am serious and am concentrating on a task I tend to just get down to business and I do forget to smile and make small talk....but then if its people I dont like,  I really dont want to make small talk or give my updates and requests with a smile....

Besides, I dont realise I am being "grumpy" and serious, I just think lets get on with the meeting and move on to the next thing.....

But obviously I do rub people the wrong way and it does have a lot to do with my rather bored, fuck off and leave me alone bitch face.....

and I wonder why no one wants to ask me out.....


Thursday, 9 April 2015

on a very strict diet.....well maybe not that strict but strict enough

Singapore is a food lovers delight and as Asians we love having hot meals for lunch as well as dinner. So the food courts are filled with places that sell hot steaming bowls of noodles, rice with hot aromatic dishes and food that covers all Asian ethnic cravings...
So lunch became a gorge fest, with me eating everything I imagined...even forgetting that I should be eating gluten free.

So I put on a few extra kilos and the clothes didn't quite fit anymore.  Always a call to action I say, when the clothes don't fit.
I found a food delivery service that actually delivered healthy options, including Gluten free, to the office.
my daily lunch
I signed up for it and so far have had 3 meals and will continue this for the month of April.
I also have been limiting carbs and eating healthy for dinner at home ( no more crisps and chocolates) and even if its been less than a week of eating healthy, I am feeling better and the clothes aren't so tight.

The problem (there always is a problem) is how long can I sustain eating these delivered meals as it tastes quite bland and for the last 3 meals I have had grilled peppers....I hate peppers. I have however paid for a months worth of meals so I would have to suck it up and just eat it and perhaps bring in some flavour from home like my homemade Sambal ( its like a chili jam)  and left over veg.

My aim is to lose at least 4 kilos and then maintain that weight.  Treats will have to be limited as I put it all back on very easily....I blame menopause and age and not the fact that we just really should be exercising more and eating less and having smaller portions.

When will I learn, probably never,  but I will keep trying to eat smaller portions of healthier food as I really do not look or feel good when fat!







Monday, 6 April 2015

Molested?

What is molest.  The dictionary defines it as

1.  To bother, interfere with or annoy
2.  To make indecent sexual advances to
3.  To assault sexually

Molesting someone doesn't sound as bad as sexually assaulting someone.  The word somehow denotes that molest is less serious than a sexual assault.
It isn't.
Molest is usually a person trying to touch you on certain body parts that no one else should touch except for your partner/lover/spouse.

Its a common phenomenon in crowded cities and Singapore has seen a rise in cases.  It is usually men molesting women.  And yes I do know some women make it up or are mistaken that molest has taken place....but how do we know?

A few weeks ago I was on my way home through a very crowded tunnel of the underground train station. This particular station is a disaster waiting to happen as there are no separate areas for the coming and going of people who are rushing to different platforms to catch their trains.
 
A tall heavy set man took the opportunity to walk straight into me and his arm went straight into my chest  It was not an accident. This man had a lot of space to avoid me but he deliberately walked into me and pushed his arm into my chest and dragged it across my left boob..  There was nothing accidental about that.

It happened in the blink of an eye, and he was gone within seconds, swallowed up into the crowd and while I did yell after him, I couldn't see where he had gone.
Should I have reported it?  What would I have said?
I couldn't remember what he looked like except that he was a fat smelly Chinese Man.
I couldn't remember what he wore except that it was a dark brown tshirt.

So I just made my way home.....but men take the opportunity in crowded areas to get away with touching women.  Because they can......

I still take the train to that station to get home but I dread walking through that tunnel to my connecting train in case it happens again. While  Singapore is relatively safe, I have never taken it for granted, but I got complacent and I thought that my age would have been a deterrent to any molester.

A used to ask me why I didnt travel alone or just go out and wander around on my own.....this is the reason.  I have been molested before, my boobs seem to bring out the worst in men. Men seem to think they can just reach out and grab.

Always be on your guard ladies...... men will take any opportunity anywhere anytime....







Tuesday, 17 March 2015

Tinder.......21st century dating

The daily commute is boring.

We are squashed close to people we don't know nor want to know.  I get hair in my face, bags pushed into my hip and boobs and sometimes I get to peek into someones life.

There are several commuters that spend the time checking Facebook, playing Candy Crush( I seem to have gone off that game.....), replying to texts, reading the news and checking their Tinder account....all on their mobile phones.

This morning I got my first glimpse of what and how a Tinder account looks like. The sweet young thing next to me first had her daily dose of facebook then she switched to Tinder and I had a good look at how the app works.
She went through several pictures of men and only stopped at the Japanese or Korean looking ones and then went through their profiles.  but it looked ruthless ,  a quick look, swipe and he was gone.....
(I asked Google, and it seems there is a left swipe and a right swipe..... one to keep the person and the other to move on)

Dating in the 21st Century I guess.....

like everything the Millennials do, its quick and instant.  The generation of digitally savvy, selfie loving and perhaps narcissistic young people probably don't have the time to date like we used to.

It started with all the dating websites and has now moved on to dating Apps, as their mobile phones are no longer just a phone but part of their daily lives, so why not date with an app......

I am curious how it works but not curious enough to join something like this as am still very much confused about what I want, and son no 2 is on it as well......and frankly I would feel rather stupid downloading and creating a profile on a dating app at my age...

I used to find the websites daunting, with so many choices, people stopped wanting to spend time with one person as there seemed to be so many fish in the sea....now on Tinder I wonder how someone makes a choice and actually commits to one person...

The world is moving so fast and I worry about my son out there in the Tinder world of dating.  As a parent you want your child to find someone to spend his/her life with.  Someone to grow old with.  How on earth do you find someone on a phone app where there is only 1 second before that person swipes to the next profile?

Its a scary world out there and I wonder if Tinder just made it scarier?


Friday, 13 March 2015

people are not as nice as they make out to be

So in the past few days I have been told to stop caring too much, by at least 5 people.

and a cousin told me, almost two years ago that  I had too much time on my hands which is why I liked to interfere in other peoples lives....

Over the past week I have had to stop myself from getting involved in the office and in some family matters and it has got me thinking.......

Am I interfering?  Do I have this massive desire to get involved in peoples lives?
navel gazing?
So I did a little navel gazing

When people come to me with a problem, I naturally seek a solution.  I figure that they tell me stuff as they must want a solution.... right?

I also have a sense of fairness that fucking  kills me.....I am always on the underdogs side ( unless it happens to be sport then all bets are off ).
When I feel that an injustice has occurred I will speak up and defend that person even if that person hasn't asked me to speak up for them.  I make it my mission in life to right the wrongs......to always find the right way to be.

we think we do good for others....

If you hurt someone I love, I will defend them.  If you hurt someone who is vulnerable, I will defend them.
If I know that someone is being taken for a ride, I want to shake that person and tell them to wake up and see that the world is not a nice place.

I end up being let down by people I want to and have helped.  I take it personally when they fuck up.
I end up being labelled feisty and opinionated when I stand up for people....which to me is not a bad thing but sometimes I do think that I care too much what happens to everyone around me.  I want to fix things for everyone.

I know I have to stop as I get really upset and cant sleep when things don't get fixed.  I want people to be honest, good and not have an ulterior motive because that is what I aspire to be.

If only everyone could be nicer.........






Monday, 9 March 2015

the place of poisoned smiles

Most offices are a hotbed of gossip and cliques, very much like high school which we thought we left far behind when we entered the working world.....

I hate to break anyones bubble but the working world is exactly like the playgrounds we thought we had graduated from.

The popular people still are the ones in charge and the misfits like me watch in horror as  they takeover the boardroom and press their agenda forward.

I am tired of dodging bullets and knives that are constantly being thrown at me, I am tired of knowing that behind the smiles and cheerful banter lie cold hearts and scheming minds.
I have always been a straight up, no nonsense  person and I forget that not everyone is cut from the same cloth.  I forget that people will step all over you to get their way.

The office politics is getting extremely tiresome. I knew this place had alot of  venom floating around and I wrote about it after a few weeks of joining the company and  My old post, Life lessons from a non swimmer described the back stabbing environment.

Problem is I care what happens and I care enough to want to make this environment as non toxic as I can and I sometimes get caught up in the whole making a difference thing but the people I fight for, end up joining the other side, leaving me feeling like I have just gone through a revolving door too many times.

So I am feeling sorry for myself right now.  Friday morning was such a positive high that the back stabbing on Friday evening left me quite shell shocked......
I am too sensitive I know, and I do know that I forget to take my own advice.... "Its nothing personal, its just a job"
My desire for everyone to like me takes over and  I hate that there are people here that dont.  So I shall wallow in self pity, mope around and stay away from everyone that doesnt like me......just for a
little while.

SIGH.........

Stephen Fry > Quotable Quote

Stephen Fry

“Certainly the most destructive vice if you like, that a person can have. More than pride, which is supposedly the number one of the cardinal sins - is self pity. Self pity is the worst possible emotion anyone can have. And the most destructive. It is, to slightly paraphrase what Wilde said about hatred, and I think actually hatred's a subset of self pity and not the other way around - ' It destroys everything around it, except itself '.

Self pity will destroy relationships, it'll destroy anything that's good, it will fulfill all the prophecies it makes and leave only itself. And it's so simple to imagine that one is hard done by, and that things are unfair, and that one is underappreciated, and that if only one had had a chance at this, only one had had a chance at that, things would have gone better, you would be happier if only this, that one is unlucky. All those things. And some of them may well even be true. But, to pity oneself as a result of them is to do oneself an enormous disservice.

I think it's one of things we find unattractive about the american culture, a culture which I find mostly, extremely attractive, and I like americans and I love being in america. But, just occasionally there will be some example of the absolutely ravening self pity that they are capable of, and you see it in their talk shows. It's an appalling spectacle, and it's so self destructive. I almost once wanted to publish a self help book saying 'How To Be Happy by Stephen Fry : Guaranteed success'. And people buy this huge book and it's all blank pages, and the first page would just say - ' Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself - And you will be happy '. Use the rest of the book to write down your interesting thoughts and drawings, and that's what the book would be, and it would be true. And it sounds like 'Oh that's so simple', because it's not simple to stop feeling sorry for yourself, it's bloody hard. Because we do feel sorry for ourselves, it's what Genesis is all about.”


― Stephen Fry