Thursday 28 June 2012

the good wifes guide 1955

I am speechless!  SERIOUSLY!
see the full article - http://j-walk.com/other/goodwife/index.htm
some say its a hoax
my mum has an old recipe book from the 1960's and there are some interesting bits in there about being a good housekeeper etc......
UPDATE:  I had a chat with Mum about this article and she is quite sure this is a true interpretation of what it was like way back when..... 

kitchen remodelling?

It hasn't started and I wonder if it ever will.  The kitchen desperately needs some work done but I can't muster up enough energy to start tackling the clearing of cupboards, throwing away crap and start with the contractors.
I need a project manager but I can't afford one.
So it has to be me.
Now that I have hired a part time cleaner to help me with the general cleaning, (she comes once a week and I am thrilled  to have that help) I should be a little more free to tackle the issue of the kitchen.  But the lack of energy and motivation is acting like blinkers as I refuse to acknowledge the decay in the kitchen.
The cupboards are old, half broken, faded and look just bloody awful, but I ignore it.  Until I took pictures of the kitchen and posted it on this blog (see old post in May "The Kitchen"), I was happily clueless to the faded and old cupboards.
The thought that I will be without a kitchen for 2 weeks is quite disturbing for me.  I like cooking, I like feeding my family (well its only me and son no 2) but that is one of the ways I know how to look after and love them.  I am not a very showy person with hugs and kisses all the time, so this is one way how I show my love.  By cooking good delicious (I hope) meals for them.

The other disturbing thing is that of all the designers that I got to help me plot a new kitchen, none of them got the idea of my breakfast bar, or where I was going to place my microwave.  They were not listening to what I wanted.  So I may dispense with a designer and go straight to a contractor and make him listen, which in turn will be a bigger headache for me. 

I am so troubled and stressed about this remodeling thing that I wish I could  just forget about it and cross my fingers and toes hard enough that it will  go away....... but nope its still there, the dingy faded kitchen!

Wednesday 27 June 2012

lower than pond scum

So its been a few weeks of trawling the internet for men.... yes its as horrible as it sounds.
I guess as mine is a new profile posted, the scammers target that thinking I am a  desperate middle aged woman.  Boy have they got it wrong!
heres a warning to all women
 ladies if a man contacts you on a dating website and the following is what he says, dont reply, delete!

1.  Your smile is like an angel and God must have put you on this earth for me
2.  Your profile makes me believe you are a wonderful caring person
3.  Your email has made my day
4.  God has brought an angel like you into my life

Avoid this man.  He obviously is either more  desperate than we are or he has something cooking and it aint something tasty!

The scary part is that some women do fall for this.  Ladies there is a voice in our heads that speaks to us, we push it aside because we want to believe.  Dont!!
Listen to that voice!!

Its like a template of sorts that they have.  First they are usually widowers, and their wife was invariably killed in an accident and they have a small child to look after.  Some have also killed off their child!  They also dont have parents, who also somehow were killed in an accident.  or they were brought up by their grandmas.  They also always seem to be world traveled and work either in geology or in the oil business.  The pictures they put up are of gorgeous looking men.

The insincerity practically jumps out of their emails and you know you want to laugh.  I got one recently and even though I wonder whether really, could this guy be genuine, I scroll through the email and I find this
"I have travelled to tons of countries; Russia, South Africa, Namibia, Guinea, Ghana, Brazil, India, Australia, Congo and Guyana. After being a field manager for so many years, I met Ted (a close friend ). We were in the same Physics class back in Southampton Uni, we met at a conference in Dublin. He had also been around like I had, but had definitely done better for himself. He told me the best way forward was by being the pockets behind the brain. At the time I had a respectable amount of money saved up and I also applied for a loan so as to broaden my horizons. Eventually, I invested in a research he steered and in less than 10 months, I had tripled my capital and that even was not on a very large scale"

Yes alarm bells were clanging in my head.  Apart from the fact that he was laying the ground work to ask me to invest in something like this......the rest of the email read like a CV and you know its so fucking full of shit!

 I didnt reply the email, I put it where it belongs, in the trash.

Tuesday 26 June 2012

31 years

I realised this morning that yesterday would have been my 31st wedding anniversary.
A lot has happened in 31 years.  I went from a naive, innocent, confused, scared little girl to a confident, independent, quirky, sometimes a bitch, woman.

I wonder what it would have been like if I hadn't left the ex.  I know for sure I would not be the woman I am today.  And I like who I am today.  Its like a what if scenario, what if I had still been married, what if I had decided to actually go ahead with my plan of poisoning the ex.  Yes,  I used to dream up elaborate plans on how to commit murder without getting caught..... but of course I didn't do it, the thought of getting caught and spending my life behind bars for killing a man that was a horrible human being, was something I couldn't do.  Besides my sons would have been left alone and that would have been the worst punishment ever!

He contested the divorce petition and it dragged on for a year.  In the end he didn't even turn up in court to defend his petition.  The judge was quite happy to give me sole custody of the boys and grant me my divorce.  Those few years were pretty tough, he would come after us, using his usual bullying tactics, to frighten us.  It worked, my boys and I were scared but determined to fight him.

My marriage was like another life, another me.  A me that I would hate today, a me that was timid and in a way had given up on alot of things.  He damaged me beyond repair and the worst part of it is that I let him do that to me.

 I remember my son asking me when he was 14 years old, just after the divorce, if it would have been better for me if I didn't have kids.  Then I could have gone on to a better life and not struggle with finances and trying to put a roof over our heads.  I remember my answer to him  very clearly. 
I told him that they actually saved me from suicide.  I would have happily stepped off the ledge if they were not there for me to  feed, clothe and love them.

So its been 31 years since I embarked on my journey of adulthood, at 19 and totally innocent.  Today I am not innocent anymore and as for adulthood...... well I can't say that I have achieved it yet but am hoping it will eventually find me.  I am enjoying who I am, who I have become, who I want to be.  I do struggle with intimacy and relationships but I know I am getting better at it.  I know I will eventually find someone to share my life with me and dreams can come true, it may take 31 years to get there, but get there I will.

Monday 25 June 2012

shit happens

Its been pretty hard to move on and not keep thinking about A but I am getting there.
I have had to delete his number, delete all those text messages I saved because they were so cute/sexy/a turn on.  I tried to delete all his emails but then went back and moved those back into the inbox, only because I couldnt erase him totally out of my life as he did mean something to me and if I am honest,  still does.
I will keep remembering him  as Singapore is a very small place, the cinemas, the coffeeshops, the place we had our first kiss, our first grope!  heck these places are places I visit often, so yes he will be on my mind.

But I am moving on, I am going to love someone else, its the way the world keeps turning. It doesnt mean I will forget him.  Will I ever be friends with him again, I doubt it.  I doubt I could ever forgive him for not trying harder.  Apart from having my heart trampled on, my ego I am sure, also got bruised.  How dare he say he couldnt compromise, how dare he not want to share my life with me?!  Shit happens.....

To quote the song written by Anthony Newly and Leslie Bricusse  " its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for me"  and I think I am going to be feeling good too.......

I wont forget him, that would be impossible to do as he did open my eyes and heart  but its time to move on  and let go of him....... in life we have to realise whats good for us and what isnt...... we have to know that in such situations, its just ......shit happens, we just step over it and get on with it.......

Sunday 17 June 2012

it should be simple

Why isn't it simpler?  Why do we need to go through the ritual of dating with the preening and posturing between the sexes.
Why is there the complication  and the perception of what the other party wants.  Why cant it be like woman or man sees someone they like, go for it and see how it goes.  But its not.  Too many hang ups and too many expectations make people afraid to take the step to cement a relationship.  They dont want the drama that comes with a relationship.
Son no 2 said something about women which had alarm bells going off in my head. He said that there was too much drama with women, they wanted to know where their men were 24/7, and couldnt understand that the men wanted to hang out without them.  Thats not true of all women though.  there are mature, confident women that dont do that.  He just needs to find one of those before he becomes too cynical, jaded and a confirmed loner.
But why isnt it simpler, why dont we just get together, forget the stupid self made rules about all the things one must do on a date, what a date is supposed to be or what men should do before a woman will sleep with a guy.  I am not advocating free sex or sex with one and all.  I am asking who set the expectations, who said we had to do it a certain way. Who said women couldnt ask men out, who said that men had to do the chasing.
Perhaps I am getting too jaded with all the rituals of dating.  perhaps I am getting too cynical about men and how things should be.
Perhaps I do want a man to do it cave man style and say " me man and you  my woman" and drag me off to his cave.......

Friday 15 June 2012

skinny jeans

is actually just jeans for skinny people, people who look like beanpoles, people who don't have curves and a big ass.
So why do other people insist on wearing something that tells you its only for skinny beanpoles?
It does make you want to ask that person who is stuffed into her skinny jeans, if she actually owns a mirror?  or as one of my sisters likes to say " she obviously doesn't have friends".  I don't mean to be hateful here, I am just being honest.
My mother likes to use a phrase in Punjabi, and it does sound funnier in Punjabi,  its like " a dog stuffed in a tandoor"  ok maybe it doesn't sound funny at all in English but trust me its lost in translation!
Where am I going with the dog and the tandoor?  Thats what curvy women look like stuffed into their skinny jeans. (spell check on the word Tandoor says that its a tandoori oven, it not!  the oven is a tandoor, the fucking chicken cooked in a tandoor is tandoori chicken!)
anyway.....

Fashion slaves and victims  need a reality check, just because its in fashion doesn't mean its suited for your body type. I love programs like Trinny and Susannah and Gok Wan and his fashion fixes.  They tell you its ok to be different and have curves, just learn about your body type and wear clothes appropriately.

Now only if I could be brave enough to be honest with friends to tell them that "no skinny jeans don't suit you"

Thursday 14 June 2012

hot vs cold

Its been really hot recently.  So hot that if you wear a dress with lining the fucking lining sticks to your body as the dress slides around and you wonder as you walk from the bus stop to the office if everyone can see the lining stick to your midriff, thighs what ever other body part that is dripping with sweat!

red dawn!
I have been doing my best to stay in cotton clothes that will allow the air in and not sweat buckets.  Today however I have to attend some cocktail thing after work (yes another work/hotel related cocktail night) and I have to put on a nice dress and heels.  Not my favourite type of attire at all.  Although A used to say my idea of heels was funny as they were barely 2 inches high, and he also called one pair of my 'heels' my mothers shoes.  but back to the heat.....

Would I fare better in colder climates I wonder.  You can bundle up and try to stay warm but in this humid heat, you cant strip down and wear nothing to work.  Our buildings and buses have the air-conditioning blasting to rival the best arctic locations but once you are outside, you are convinced that within minutes nothing will be left of you except  a puddle of sweat!

Humidity is the killer rather than just the heat.  It frizzes your hair, you can't shop all day in this humid heatwave,  you start to smell as you sweat buckets, your leather shoes and handbags develop mildew if not taken care of and lets not forget that your makeup slides off the minute you step out of the house.  There is one advantage though, the damp is good for the skin!  You don't have dry and itchy skin as all this humidity in the air leaves your skin glowing!

I would however, love to have four distinct seasons. Notice I said Distinct seasons.  Not just four seasons.  We do have  four seasons here in Singapore, its hot & humid, then we have hotter and humid, then we have hot with rain and humid and last of all we have slightly cooler than hot, humid with rain.
We cant indulge in the seasonal fashion and are stuck forever in the " I wish I could wear shorts and a tank top to work" feeling.  We flip through women's magazines and fashion books and wish we too could indulge in the fall or winter fashions with those fabulous coats and boots.  Some women here do try and we only give them pitying looks as we know they are melting in their lovely wool dresses and boots.   But oh to be able to wear them without accumulating a pool of sweat in your armpits!

So yes I wish sometimes I lived far away from the equator as possible and that having it snow in December (or June, depends which hemisphere one lives in) isn't just a pipe dream!

Wednesday 13 June 2012

journey of discovery

A friend recently renewed her wedding vows as part of her 25th Wedding anniversary celebrations.  I spent last Saturday morning listening to the Catholic Priest talk about marriage and love.

 The usual talk about communication being key but what made me think was when he mentioned marriage being part of a discovery.  A journey of discovery,  as a married couple will learn new things about each other as time goes on.

Love and marriage he said.  I am still not so sure about marriage, but I do want to be able to go on that journey of discovery with that one special someone......

Tuesday 12 June 2012

cant resist anything sweet, baked and creamy

I love desserts.  If I have to, I can forgo the main meal to make sure I get dessert.  I will eat salads all day if I know I have something baked, sweet and creamy coming up at the end of the day.
I doubt I could ever be a spy, cos the enemy would just have to offer me a dessert and I would capitulate, I will spill state secrets if only I could get a bite of heaven.
Cheesecake, eclairs, chocolate cakes, crumbles, bread and butter pudding, creme caramel, creme brulee..... the list is endless.  I think that's why when that blind date didn't ask if we were going to have dessert, I immediately knew in my heart that I would not talk to this man again.
I love to bake as well.  There is this new bakery that has opened close to the office but so far I have resisted the temptation to go try a slice of cake, only because its so expensive and I know I can make a delicious carrot cake with cream cheese frosting at the price they sell one slice!
In my fridge right now, I have all the ingredients for an apple crumble but I resist baking one as I need to lose a couple of kilos ( yes the weight crept up on me recently)  but my reward will be either the crumble or a carrot cake as I cant get it out of my mind!
Indian desserts are extremely sweet and I also know how to make some of them.   deep fried milky balls in syrup or Gulab jamuns,  are my favourite.   then there is the humble rice pudding but done Indian style called Kheer.  My maternal grandfather used to be a dessert king, he also had to watch his weight and my grandmother would watch him like a hawk in case he went digging in the fridge for something sweet.  He used to get us, his grandchildren,  to keep watch for our grandmother while he raided the fridge.
he came up with alot of creative ways to make simple desserts to satisfy his sweet cravings.

I obviously inherited his love for anything sweet.  Its tough but I try my best to stay away from baking and indulging.  I can be good for weeks but then its like one day I have this sugar craving that wont go away so I end up either with lots of chocolate or something sweet and just out of the oven.

Damn all this talk of desserts is just making me want to get home later and put that apple crumble in the oven.....I wonder if the son will be able to pick up some vanilla ice-cream after work...............

Thursday 7 June 2012

trawling the murky depths of online dating sites or sifting through loads of toads

So I signed on to the  online dating sites to see what comes along.  I wont know unless I try,  right?
Its going to take time to want to date again but I have to take the first step and move on.  I don't want to sit at home and wallow in self pity that he didn't want a relationship.  Its just life! Get on with it!


All the sites tell you that its a free service, but as always there is a catch, you have to pay to interact with people on some sites...... isn't that the whole idea of a dating site??  But I guess you get what you pay for,   I paid for one site and on the other,  I maintain a free profile.  On the free sites you get alot of riff raff, idiots that think just because you are a woman of a certain age, you must be gagging for it!  On the other site, the paid one, you still get the riff raff and the scammers, its just a better quality of riff raff and scammers......

Now  its interesting how a profile is viewed, men tend to steer clear of funny tongue in cheek profiles and they want the woman to be slender, young and serious (but they all want someone with a sense of humour).  At my advanced age, I get a good laugh at looking at these men who are older than me but want women that are 18 - 35!  Are these men serious?  Have they looked at themselves in the mirror, judging by their pictures, no young woman is going to want to be seen with them unless they had as much money as Bernie Ecclestone.
Then there are the scammers.  They always have a picture of a good looking hunk on it, and if you trawl long enough you get to see pictures of the same man in the same t shirt with a different background.  The profile name will be different and some smarter ones will have changed some things in their profiles as well.
Do women fall for it, Yes.  No not me but the papers are full of women falling for men online and sending them money, lots of money.

I am sure its not all  bad, but so far (two weeks of having my profile up) I have got all the scammers and the idiots and the young men that think I must be so desperate that I would jump at the chance of going out with anyone.   Its a game of patience I suppose, and I must learn to sit back and see if anything comes along.......

Sunday 3 June 2012

maggie's beauty salon

maggie's beauty salon
Maggie's beauty salon opened in the 1960's but the current owner, bought it in the early 1970's.  It was a small space above a coffee shop which is long gone and where a Hong Kong and Shanghai bank now stands.
It moved to its current place in 1984, run by Grace, its pretty much a family affair as she has her sisters working with her.  It still has the small blue mosaic tiles on the floor, the old decaying shampoo area, the large hair blowers.  All add to the ambiance of  something that should have been put to bed a long time ago .  but...

Where will the old ladies,  who come to Grace to get their tight perms, go?  Where will they find someone who knows them, doesn't charge the earth for a cut and blow dry, someone who greets them by name and asks how they are and actually genuinely cares about the answers they give.  I sat there this afternoon, getting my hair coloured, I have, on and off, been getting my hair done by Grace and her sisters, for 37 years.  It was Grace who taught my sister how to first cut hair.  My sister now lives in London and has her own hair salon.  My mother still comes to Grace to get her hair washed and get it done up in a beautiful bun.  It was Grace who gave me my first hair trim when I was 13.

Another old neighbourhood shop closing, paying the price of modernisation and progress.  Talk is that another wine bar may open or a bank.  All we can do is remember the past and wish progress wouldn't be in such a hurry to bulldoze everything into the 21st century

Saturday 2 June 2012

mother in law

text conversation with son no 1 (who lives in Hawaii)

me :  Havent heard from u.  All ok?

son no 1:  Definitely, so many things happening.  i keep trying to email or call, got so much to talk about.  got your email, if I stay up late tonight will try and call, if not this weekend

me:  ok was worried that your girlfriend killed u and disposed of your body in some volcano

son no 1:  ha...ha...ha  very funny....Be nice...I'm gonna marry this one...

me:  Thats ok i am the mother in law, we are supposed to be bitches

son no 1:  Love u too!!