Monday 31 December 2012

the inevitable post....new year resolutions

Why stop now.  I always make resolutions and never keep them, so why be different this year.
Although last December I did say I wasn't going to make resolutions but ended up making some anyway
So this year I am not going to fight the inevitable, and make my resolutions.

Resolution no 1
I am going to speak up more and tell people what I like and what I want.  I tend to shut up and let things flow even if I don't like it

Resolution no 2
I will go out with all the men that ask me.  Errrr perhaps I may not go out with all but the majority of men that ask me.

Resolution no 3
I will travel in 2013.

Resolution no 4
I will be a better manager in the office.  I have been neglecting Corporate Goddess for awhile now.  She needs to step up her game!

As resolutions go these are pretty doable as it is more inner me that needs to be resolved.  Hopefully in a years time I will be able to reflect on 2013 and say, yes I have achieved most of what I wanted!
Happy New Year all!






what happened in 2012

Reflecting on the year is always hard as I tend to concentrate on the bad things that happened to me.  lets not think about the world here, there were alot of disturbing and horrifying things happening out there and I could never do justice to what has happened in all the countries with death either by natural disasters, fanatics or a lone gunman, it all  ends the same way, devastating grief.
So  of course I was having my usual down in the dumps soul searching why me reflections,  when the twin reminded me of the good things that have happened.

1.  Son no 1 came home for my birthday and he got engaged
2.  Son no 2 is working ......... well its good that he is working right?
3.  I turned 50 and didn't die or turn into a pumpkin and life isn't over ....yet
4.  I am still employed and earning money!
5.  I still have good friends I like to hang out with and they still want to hang out with me!
6.  I have recognised and accepted that  I like to plan and control things...... yes this is a good thing, its easier to accept than fight it!
7.  I actually let my heart love someone....ok so it didn't end well but hey at least I know I am capable of loving, even if this could be one of the bad things that happened like, I got my heart broken by A not once but TWICE, but lets keep it positive here!
8.  I have my family around me and they love me too
9.  and the world didn't end

So it hasn't been that bad a year, I wish it had been better with A and all that but one cant have everything.....right?


Saturday 29 December 2012

single and desperate?

As planned, we (mum, sis, brother and respective in-laws) headed out to the Club for the usual drinks and fun for Christmas Eve.
big sis, me & mum at the 'club'
 It was pleasant and fun and good to see friends and acquaintances that one hasn't seen for a while.  Until you meet men who mother would have liked you to go out with.
Mum and the family kept introducing me to single men, they were practically  shoving men  in my direction and when my brother in law  pushed a very attractive man to dance with me, I felt like I had  hit a whole new low.
I know they mean well, I know they love me and want the best for me, I know they want me to find someone special, well so do I.  But I need to forget A first, I  need to stop thinking about him and the why why whys!
I also have to shift my thinking into recognising that I am 50 (FUCK I AM 50??!) and realise that I have to look at the older men as potentials.  I have to stop looking at the  younger 40 something's and concentrate on the silver foxes.  Perhaps its the fact that I dont believe that I am older and that's why  I tend to ignore the older men.  Hmm something to think about.......

Wednesday 26 December 2012

the (un)social experiment

Facebook has always held a special place in my heart, that special place that I shut out and hope it goes away. Secretly wanting it but secretly feeling ill just at the mention of its name,  it lurks in the background with its tiresome and useless information that you secretly feed on,  Daily banal updates of peoples lives that I really don't need to know about.

So I got used to logging on every morning before I even took a sip of coffee, to check out what people were doing.  It got to be a habit, a habit I wanted to break.  So I thought lets see if anyone misses me on facebook.  Yes I  was narcissistic enough to believe that people would actually notice I wasn't around. I deactivated my account on December 6th.

I wanted to see if anyone would actually realise they couldn't see me on their list of friends.  Would they assume I 'unfriended' them, would they ask me about it.
How social is this thing anyway?  Or is it just a site for our narcissistic tendencies to take flight.

I probably will go back to Facebook and activate my account, just to keep in touch with really good friends. Time to cull the list of acquaintances, time to keep the people I like on my list.  Who knows they may not even want to be friends with me either!

Friday 21 December 2012

tis the season to eat.....

Log cakes, cookies, Ham.  lots of goodies from our suppliers and hotel partners.  Its all deliciously sinful and for me, really hard to stay away from.
decadent raspberry chocolate ganache cake.
Gluten intolerant and nothing is gluten free, so I did indulge and am now suffering for it!!
It is harder than I thought it would be, trying to stay away from all the cakes and cookies. But seriously who could resist..........

the end of the world

So its December 21st, so far all good.
I didn't prep for the end of the world, I don't think it will end today, firstly because the Mayans lived in South America and me in Singapore so I figured I have an additional day what with different time zones and all.

Secondly I really don't believe the apocalypse is upon us.
I have always believed any religion, ancient or modern, and yes the Mayans had their own little religion, was just a belief put together to control the masses.  It was some dude somewhere putting together ideologies that put fear into the masses to make them toe the line.

But if it was the end of the world what would I do.
I would probably tell everyone I cared about, how much I loved them, how much they pissed me off and how much they changed my life.
But it isn't the end.  If there was some guarantee then perhaps I would go tell all the people what I really thought of them. But nope tactful as ever, I remain silent.

Wednesday 19 December 2012

men at 60.... would I do that?

So with me starting to accept that I am  50 years old and my demographic of men to date has to go up, I decided to make another list, this time a list of older men I would gladly do....

so here it is

Imran Khan
1.  Imran Khan -  ex Pakistani Cricket Captain, and currently in Politics

dreamboat  Sean
2.  Sean Connery - my absolute dreamboat

3.  Robert De Niro - pant pant

4.  Liam Neeson - oh yes

5.  Sam Elliott - love the laid back look

my fav zeppelin
6.  Jimmy Page - guitarist of Led Zeppelin.  My favourite Zeppelin

7.  Jeff Bridges - one cant not have the Dude on the list

8.  Al Pacino - 'tony' my Battery Operated Buddy is named after one of his characters - scarface-  tony Montana!!  Tony Montana in the movie says " Say hello to my little friend"  I thought it appropriate!

9.  Paul Newman - if he was still around

10  Ian Gillan - Deep Purple lead singer once.  what a fucking voice!

so maybe I should add the other men too the ones at 50 odd

1..George Cloony - Of course!

2.  Antonio Banderas

3.  Prince

4.  Denzel Washington

5.  Wesley Snipes

sigh, I guess I will have extremely nice dreams tonight!


Saturday 15 December 2012

10 things that make my day........

1.  The bus arrives on time, and I get a seat

2.  Skinny women that wear short shorts and have cellulite all up the back of their thighs!

3.  Gluten free food in restaurants - its like winning the lottery when you realise that they have such things!

4.  There is no laundry, or cleaning to do when I get home from work

5.  A smile and a discreet leer from a gorgeous young man

6.  Being told "when I get to be your age I want to have your figure..... actually I wish I had your figure now!"

7.  Mum calls and doesnt complain about the brother, his wife or anyone else

8.  Winning shopping vouchers at the company Christmas lunch and spending all of it in an hour

9.  Someone holding the lift/elevator doors for me, and someone saying thank you when I hold the lift/elevator doors for them.

10.  Being told that I wear a large then having the salesperson eat her words when she sees its too big!

the bar scene

So I was  in a bar last night, waiting for some friends.
You know how they always have this scene in movies where single women sit at these fancy bars and enjoy a drink on their own and there is always a gorgeous man around who wants to buy her a drink, well that never happens to me.
Day time view of fav bar... 
Anyway I sat there by myself, waiting for some friends, I was early and I ordered my own drink and watched the bar fill up slowly.
Older men, younger men, older women, younger women.  All sorts, and it depressed me.  There are alot of younger women out there also looking for someone special to fill their lives.  Here was me, older and single and my pool of single men that I could date suddenly shrank a thousand times.
The Older man, my dating pool of potential men, have the pick.  They can date any woman from 18 till god knows how old.  I watched the women, they were eager for any attention as long as it was from a living and breathing man.  If young women were going out with men  my age, where and how the hell was I going to get a date with any man!!
It sure as hell isnt in a bar.

Wednesday 12 December 2012

so the cat is old and sick

We have one pet left, Tubby and she is 16 years old. In cat years she is 80 (although one website I tried to check her age, the chart didn't go up to 16 years for a cat)
She is slowing down, she is getting more vocal (she wont stop fucking meowing in the middle of the night) and she is losing too much weight, and she is drooling a bit!
So I took her to the vet last week and the first thing the cute vet (yes I still had time to appreciate a cute male and very young vet) said after listening to all the symptoms was that perhaps Tubby may be heading towards Kidney failure!
My hear sank to the bottom of my toes.
But the vet did some blood tests and the good news is that Tubby has a overactive thyroid (hyperthyroidism).  well its only marginally good news as an overactive thyroid can mask kidney failure.  So Tubby is on 3 tablets that cant be crushed, daily.  Its a bitch to hold her and administer the tablets.  So far I count 4 scratches and claw 'holes' on my person.  and its only day 3.
evil syringe, loaded
Last night the son wasn't around to help me grab and hold Tubby down while I shoved the rather evil looking syringe down her throat, so I had to improvise.  After wrapping her up in an old towel, rendering her totally incapable of mauling me to death (ok I exaggerate but claws on skin are bloody painful!) I managed quite successfully to give her all the tablets.

As the son is off to Koh Samui for his company's holiday soon, I will be on my own to administer the tablets so thank goodness I figured out a way to hold her down with minimal damage to her and me.
sad and upset Tubby
Now if only she will stop giving me the stink eye after she is released.  I swear she is plotting something!

Tuesday 11 December 2012

the planner

I plan things.  My day, my work, my cooking, my movies, everything.
I plan my working week with what to do at work and after work, It could be a movie tonight, to a stop at the supermarket before I head home, to what I am cooking for dinner.
I plan my weekends as well.
I write down what I want to do on Saturday and on Sunday.  Most of the time the plans go askew and it doesn't bother me that I didn't achieve what I set out to do, but I have to plan.  I have to have something planned.
empty days
We have 10 days off at the end of the year, the office is closing from the 21st till the 1st of January.  I have 10 days with no focus,  and I am panicking.  I printed out a weekly calendar and have stuck it on the fridge, with little  boxes to fill in all the activities I want to do.  So far I have

1.  22nd Saturday -
-   take cat to vet for follow up visit (cat recently got diagnosed as having hyperthyroidism, that is a whole post on its own)
- hairdressers - get hair coloured
- supermarket
2.  23rd Sunday -
-Movie perhaps
- clear up files (I am decluttering)\
 - IKEA
3.  24th - Christmas eve
-  go to the 'Club' from 12 noon for the Christmas Eve drinks - this isn't a planned party, its just where we go for good company and a fun time on Christmas eve (aka lots of booze and flirting)
4.  25th - Christmas
 -  recover from hangover
-  clear files
5.  26th Wednesday
 -  no plan
6.  27th  Thursday
 -  No plan
7.  28th Friday
 - No plan

and the no plans continue till the 1st of January.

I  have alot to declutter at home but I don't want to spend all the time off I have,  decluttering.
But I cant decide what to do with all that time I have as well.  I know I will not achieve everything I have on the list, but I need that focus, if not I will procrastinate and nothing will get done.  What  I would like to do, is nothing,  just sit in my pyjamas all day watching old movies and eating chocolates, but the errands and list of must do things have caught up with me and I feel like a wanted criminal being hunted by some sheriff in a bad western.  Desperate!  sigh....... no rest for the wicked......
So I continue to plan and hopefully will be able to realistically fill in my days to cover 10 days of fruitful and responsible activities...


Monday 10 December 2012

by product of a multicultural society

I like the holiday season.  I like Christmas, I like new year, I love holidays. I fall for the commercialism that is the holidays.  Whoever sold the idea of gifts, Christmas trees, family dinner, decorating the home, was a very clever person and has converted me to the whole idea.
I am not a religious person and certainly am not even a Christian, but I love Christmas.
I always want to get a tree,but son no 2 wont let me,
the tree in the office
"mother we aren't Christians!"
So I don't get a tree but every year, where  I used to work, we would get a real tree delivered and I would decorate it, with the help of any intern in the office. It made my whole year.  Then when I changed jobs I was extremely disappointed when the new office didn't put up a tree.  Last year we did put up a tree, and this year again, I asked if we were putting up the tree, and yes I got to help decorate the tree.



Thursday 6 December 2012

missing a piece of the puzzle

I sometimes act smug and think I know it all.
I usually shoot my mouth off without thinking and then I end up with egg on my face.  I recently declared that I was complete, I had nothing more in my life I wanted.  I didn't  need a man, I was my own person etc etc.  Bull bloody shit!
Recent events have shown that I am far from complete. There is still this little bit of empty left inside me. A little bit of empty that needs to be filled up.
With A not wanting to have a relationship, I have had to evaluate my needs versus my wants.  Its not that I need a special someone, I want a special someone in my life.  I am sad that A didn't want to be that person but I know I will not be able to have a half relationship that he wants.

I miss not having anyone to share things with.  the mundane, the exciting, the painful.  When something funny or interesting happens, I don't have that automatic person I want to call and share it with.
I don't have that pair of arms to fall into  when I am sad or afraid or just want to be held.  That's the part that is missing.  I am an independent, confident woman but sometimes I don't want to be that person.  Sometimes I want someone to take charge and look after me for a bit.

I have no idea if I ever will find that person to share my life with, to be that little bit of the missing puzzle.


Saturday 1 December 2012

Men and facial hair

Men seem to be doing alot of grooming recently.
They wax and shave and never let the facial  and chest hair grow.
They want to look like shiny boys.  I don't like it.  I like  men with moustaches, men with chest hair, men that look like men.

The moustache made a bit of a comeback recently.  I think it started in Australia and New Zealand in 2004, to raise awareness for men's prostate cancer.  For one month men grow moustaches in November and they called it Movember.  Get it, Moustache, November, Movember.
anyway
This year in Singapore they started an island wide campaign for Movember as well. Our daily rag ran a story  about Movember and one of the guys said that he wasn't getting a kiss from his wife while he had his Mo.  Poor fella.  What happened to, for better or worse?

Mr NZ with his Mo
 I wonder why women don't like facial hair on men.
I like men in moustaches and beards.  I like the scraggly unkempt look, I like the feel of the moustache and yes even playing with chest hair!   I remember as a child, having Dad rub his moustache on our cheeks and we used to love it!  Hmm maybe that's why I like men with Mo's!
Would Tom Selleck be Tom Selleck without that hairy upper lip?  No. Magnum PI would have been so different.
the mouth brow, the lip Rug, the face fungus, what ever you call it, I like to see a man with fuzz on his face!