Saturday 26 October 2013

how to write an online dating profile?

Simple enough I suppose, but no, its harder than you think.
For those of you fortunate enough to have that significant other in your life this is something you wont have to bother with.  But for us single and perhaps desperate ones out there, the profile you  write will determine whether men will take notice or just delete.  The competition is fierce, and all you have is this one page with some witty words (or not) and a few pictures to capture a mans attention.  How to make that first glance count, how to make a man sit up and take notice.

So I did some research on the dating coaches out there that can help you post a good profile.  There are programmes out there that can help women like me to navigate this online dating world with ease.  Its an investment in yourself (these things cost money) and I figured I was a good investment.  I also researched the right websites, OKCupid was out, thats just a hook up site, which I learnt the hard way,  and match.com was fast becoming the same. Was there one for older people, people who werent 24 and bouncy? Did I really want to do this (again)?  

Getting my mind ready to take this plunge hasnt been easy and I have taken my time to wrap my head around dating again.  I know it will take time, I know it will take more than just a great profile on a dating website.  It will take commitment, a good sense of humour (when the dates and men are bad) and it will take perseverance.  

One thing I have never lacked is tenacity and wanting to get things right...........so yes I am ready to find a dating coach and get that brilliant profile posted.

If nothing else comes of it....at least I will have something to write about....

Tuesday 22 October 2013

mama's got a brand new toy (another one)

I have been frustrated with my old camera for a long time.  Its just one of those point and shoot cameras, the type that my dad used to call idiot proof cameras.
I bought that in 2008 and its been wonderful and while I did start off by using the auto mode on it, I gradually moved on to fiddling with the manual controls and even got a tutorial from A.

But those little handy cameras have their limitations so for some time now I have been itching to get myself a good digital camera.  I am not in the professional photographer class but I like taking pictures and I do seem to have an eye for composing a picture.  So  I flipped the papers daily to see if any specials were about and finally I saw two places advertising the camera I wanted.  It came with 2 lens, loads of freebies and I am like a kid with a brand new toy.
Nikon D3200

So while I am still unemployed and free, I have a new toy to play with.............

Saturday 19 October 2013

just a random post about nothing

so this morning started out quite focused until my sister cancelled a whiskey tasting we were supposed to attend ( yeah I know whiskey tasting on a Saturday morning........I thought I had died and gone to heaven).

it spiralled out of control after that......
I got on email, then saw an email from Pinterest...... and yes as usual once you get on that you lose a whole hour and think, what the fuck happened!
then the Motogp qualifying was on and I had to abandon Pinterest to watch that, and of course those damn bananas were getting mushy and I just HAD to make muffins but I had no walnuts so couldn't add some texture to the muffins but had to make them anyway.  Don't you just love texture in your mouth!!

I think I took too much Ventolin this morning....it makes me hyper..............

and its only 10.50am

Wednesday 16 October 2013

the tart

I love pies and tarts but have never been very successful making pastry.  Gluten free pastry is easier to handle so now I have no excuses not to try out tarts and pies.

the tart, decorating skills nil....
As I experiment with gluten free flour, I get more confident and I have always wanted to try a frangipane tart and as I had a few pears left over, the only natural thing to do was go googling and find a recipe I could convert to gluten free.

I found this Pear and frangipane tart recipe and substituted a gluten free all purpose flour blend that I have been using, from the website of the gluten free girl .  See HERE for the flour blend I used. 

There is about 250gms of butter in the whole recipe, which is a lot and I do have a problem with dairy but sometimes you just want that damn tart!
It came out perfect! And tasted even yummier.

slice of tart with herb tea


Not everything comes out perfect, on Monday I made some basic muffins using a normal muffin recipe, it didn't turn out too well.  It's still edible but just blah.... .... but I dont throw food away if I can help it so blah muffins have to be eaten...

Friday 11 October 2013

how to meet men....seriously, I want to know

I last had a few dates early this year, probably in January or February, after I went online on one of the free dating sites.  I didn't give it much of a go, as I wasn't that enamoured about dating or looking for anyone.
After that I headed off to London then New Zealand so dating was not my priority, and A was talking to me again, which made me as usual, hopeful..........well, that didn't end well and I find myself back at the beginning,  staring down at that road, full of toads, trolls and octopuses that pass off as men waiting to date.  I wonder what that makes me?

I don't know how else to meet men, except to go online.  I was never one of those women that could charm and flirt with all men, or go out and try to meet men in a bar.   I have to be attracted to a man before I would even bother, and it takes a lot to attract me, good looks for sure, but then I am one of those that finds Sam Allardyce attractive,  so go figure what I mean by good looks!
Big Sam is a football manager in England
But its not all about looks, its also about the meeting of minds.  If he can't engage me in conversation and keep the banter flowing, its quite hopeless.  I am attracted to a mans mind as much as his looks.
In Singapore dating is a young persons game, the older woman is left stranded as older men want young women on their arms and the younger men want MILF's just for sex.

Which bring me to my ego,  in a strange way it has taken a beating this last year with A telling me it was just sex and nothing else. It bothers me that my looks and body  is all that they want. I have never thought myself as beautiful and I still think its my personality people are drawn to, but......
I have a mind, and a decent personality to match which doesn't seem to be what they want. Don't get me wrong, I like sex, maybe too much but that isn't what it should be all about, right?

So what am I to do?  Online dating has had its 5 minutes of fame and while it still is one way, it is not the only way,  to meet people.  I read men's blogs about dating as well, just to see how the other half thinks and this one blog has caught my eye.  The Private man seems to think like me and that we should be looking at other options as well as online dating........

time to go check out the meet ups and the social sites I guess,  but the other questions  beg some attention.....am I chasing something elusive?  am I just too old to find that special someone?

Sunday 6 October 2013

nurture vs nature

My most fervent prayer the last few years was that my sons don't inherit any of their fathers mean, violent, scheming and shady characteristics.
Which in turn made me wonder if those traits are inborn or are they developed over time......I guess right now I know those traits are developed.
son 1 was always helping!
Watching my sons grow from eager, inquisitive and sometimes downright irritating children to decent, good, and still sometimes irritating adults has affirmed my belief in the nurture vs nature question.

My ex was  (and probably still is) a very charismatic and charming man. he knew all the right buttons to push.  He cheated people of their hard earned cash, telling them that he could double their money.  He was what these days you would call a Bernie Madoff.  He worked on the principle that greed was the easiest way to cheat people.  He even did it to my father, who invested in his money making schemes solely on the idea that I as his daughter would benefit from the business and have a comfortable life.  And me, while I can claim ignorance of all his dealings, have had even my own family question my involvement in those schemes. Which I guess is why I am totally suspicious of everything now and careful about money and investments....and follow a " if its too good to be true, it usually is"  motto.
When I left him I had nothing, zero in my bank account, and got nothing from him since.  Apart from cheating people, he cheated his own mother (selling all her jewellery that was entrusted to me to safe guard) he was abusive, verbally and physically towards me, he slept with every woman he knew, even his friends wives, he was lazy, thinking that life owed him a living and he was a coward.  He made me go out to face loan sharks, to tell them that he wasn't home.  It was only later that I learnt that those men had guns in their cars and were going to take him away to teach him a lesson  ....hindsight, hmmm.
at our old home in Johor
He did however believe in God and that he needed to do good deeds to counter the bad.......which is why some times he would pay from his ill gotten gains, for a full feast for the visually handicapped kids, while having the newspapers there to record his wonderfully altruistic deed....
The last I heard of him was that he was found in a ditch, having suffered a stroke.

Anyway
You see now why I prayed (and I am not a religious person) hard that my sons don't turn out like him.  My
boys are good men, they are caring, honest (most of the time, white lies don't count) honourable men.   For years they hated even having any physical resemblance to the ex and I tried to tell them its okay to have those similarities as long as they dont have his persona and character.

I think, No,  I know, that I have succeeded  at least in this one thing in my life.....


Tuesday 1 October 2013

musical poetry....the heartbreak playlist

I have always loved music.  Words especially.  Words, that  are the poetry of the modern world.  Words that make me happy, words that understand and empathise with my pain, heartbreak, and joy.  I have found comfort in music and the words several times over the years.
When I left my husband,  Alanis Morrisette's album Jagged Little Pill,  helped me get through the first few months of a very very painful divorce. The raw pain in those words and the anger, especially the anger, helped.  I know many people who make fun of that album but......

There are songs I cant listen to because it reminds me of my ex, and Pearl Jams' Betterman is one of the songs that I find  hard to listen to, even though I love Pearl Jam (its a song about domestic abuse) and there are songs that speak volumes about my own heartbreak.  It tells me that I am not alone in feeling hurt, vulnerable and can physically feel my heart break into bits.

So when A and I went through our seesaw non relationship/relationship these past few years, it was music that helped pull me through (apart from ranting and raving over the phone with the twin).  The sad songs, the angry songs, the getting over him songs.  The understanding it all, songs.  The heartbreak play list......

Going to California - led zeppelin
I'm not the one - The Black Keys (i should have listened better and read between the lines to what A was saying)
I want you - Bob Dylan
Romeo & Juliet - Dire Straits
Back to Black - Amy Winehouse
Kissing a fool - George Michael  (classic!)
Brain Damage - Pink Floyd (this isn't really about love but it helped!)
Make you feel my love - Adele (Bob Dylan's words)
With or without u - U2 (the usual I cant live without u song....)
All I want is U - U2
Things ain't like they used to be - The Black Keys
Lovers eyes - Mumford & Sons
Summer Son - Texas
Back to the house that love built - Tito & The Tarantulas
Ballad of a thin Man - Bob Dylan (nothing to do with love or break up but...)
Keep me in your heart - Warren Zevon
One more cup of coffee - The white stripes (reminder of the movie coffee and cigarettes)
Comfortably numb - Pink Floyd
Little black Submarine - the black keys
Wasting my time - The white stripes
Babe I'm gonna leave u - Led Zep (seesaw relationship!)
Since I've been loving u - Led Zep (the guitar solos are excellent and plant singing is so emotive)
You cant always get what you want - The rolling stones ( self explanatory!!)
I fought Piranhas - The White stripes
Wasting my time  White stripes
I cant make u love me - Bonnie Raitt  (ultimate!)

The songs have helped heal the pain and like the last line in my favourite Led Zep song (Going to California) it helps me tell myself that things can get better.
"Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams, 
Telling myself it's not as hard, hard, hard as it seems.

Healing has taken a long time (as he keeps pulling me back and I follow) and I know that once you love someone that feeling doesn't go away, we just lock that part away and throw the key down a huge pit never to be found again.
I want to move on and find someone to love me back, someone who will make me his priority.  someone who can see me growing old (er) with him.
Another foray into online dating??......................
You tell em Bob!