Friday 31 October 2014

standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams......

I find it really hard to make a decision.  I tend to mull over things and complicate everything in my mind.

I run each and every argument through my tiny little mind hoping to find some answers.  I toss the pros and cons around hoping that somehow the gods of decisive thinking will rule and show me the path I have to take.

I wish someone would tell me what to do, or perhaps steer me on to the right path with good advice..... Except that I dont take advice when I get it.

I guess decisions are based on knowing what I want.....herein lies the big problem....I have no fucking clue what I want.

I stand alone trying to figure out what I want, no one can tell me what to do, no one can make this decision for me.
I am afraid of making this decision.  I am afraid of the future.  I am afraid of what lies in wait for me after this decision is made.  Will I regret my decision?  I want things to be tied up neatly and no repercussions after I make up my mind.

But life holds no guarantees does it?  We take one path and never know what the other path would have been like, but human nature likes to wonder if the grass is actually greener on the other side......

For now I stand on a hill in my mountain of dreams telling myself its not as hard as it seems......but it is.....


Monday 20 October 2014

I am sure that weighing machine is faulty.....

The initial diet a few weeks ago died a natural death.
It was resurrected last week and I stuck to a salad for lunch and no carbs for dinner.....

On Friday we had an office lunch which was catered,  everything deep fried and lots of rice, and on Saturday I experimented with another recipe for  butter chicken.

This morning I got on the scales and the slight weight loss during the week came back with a vengeance.  So it must be that the scales are faulty..... Right?
It could of course  be that creamy rich sauce for the butter chicken that I had on Saturday and Sunday.

I  started some minimal form of exercise, last week I managed to get up earlier and go for a walk twice, this week the aim is to increase that to three times...so far so good.
The haze is back though which makes it harder for me to breathe but I am determined not to make any excuses and continue with my exercise plan.

Having a goal helps but I loathe tagging a 'lose x number of kilos by when' date as I know I will falter and kick myself should I not achieve it...so I am just going to eat as healthy as I can and keep doing the necessary evil that is exercise.....fingers and toes crossed

Tuesday 14 October 2014

a scotsman named Paolo

I have discovered a new singer.....

Well not exactly 'discovered' but I only heard this young man sing very recently.  Hes been around for a bit, having released his first album in 2005 when he was 18 years old.

I admit his name made me think he was a by product of the  Simon Cowell school of music, cheesy and poppy but a good looking young Italian boy...   I  made up my mind without listening to him sing.

I heard him sing earlier this year on the Graham Norton Show, a song off his third album and I was more than pleasantly surprised at the funk feel of the music. His voice made me sit up and take notice, and hearing him speak in that lovely lilting Scottish accent, I was smitten!
Paolo Nutini the half Italian Scotsman..
so cute!  

My pre conceived notions stopped me from listening and appreciating a young singer with bucket loads of talent.

This song is part of my morning commute playlist.......Better Man...... click  Here and listen.  The song reminds me of that movie with Jack Nicholson where he says to Helen Hunt "you make me want to be a better man"

I am sure a lot of women will agree with me when I say that those words are probably the best thing any man can say to a woman.
Cheesy I know but this kind of cheesy isnt bad, it fulfills our romantic desires...

So for now I will have Paolo in my ear every morning telling me that some men out there actually do feel that way about their women..........


Wednesday 1 October 2014

fat dresses to the rescue

The extra pounds have crept up on me again......I don't know how they do it  but somehow without me knowing or realising, they find me and pounce and stick to me for dear life....

I have got smarter though...Instead of fighting and cursing that I have nothing to wear when the pounds increase,  I bought a few dresses that would tide me over while I was in my fat phase......

So now in the morning I don't have a very wide selection of clothes,  which makes choosing the wardrobe for the day so much easier that I am actually early for work...Perhaps it has its advantages...

It is now harder to lose the pounds, I used to be able to stop eating carbs for a week and I would be back down a couple of kilos, now it takes twice as long as I get bored with salad and buy chocolates before I hit the 8th day of no carbs.

Son no 2 said I need to exercise.....Horrors!  But he is right.  I do need to get off the ever increasing butt and start an exercise regime.....One of the good friends,  WL, even put a Pilate's workout on a thumb drive for me (I can plug it into my TV) but I still haven't had the motivation to do anything about it. Menopause doesn't help as somehow all the pounds seem to sit on the tummy!

I feel like Menopausal Barbie!
I have been on a diet now for 3 days ( help!) and will have to curb my natural tendency to cook lots on the weekend as I do go overboard and cook curies that just have to be eaten with rice.  Even gluten free hasn't helped as I have found a gluten free sweet cereal that tastes so yummy and on days when I was too tired (lazy) to cook, that was dinner.

But the bad eating habits have to stop...... am serious about this diet to lose those pesky pounds as I do not like my tummy looking so huge!
Next step is exercise......