Sunday 29 October 2017

i cheated...

I have been faithful to my one and only hairdresser.

Until yesterday

I feel like I have betrayed someones trust, cheated on my one love...

It was a long time coming.  My old hairdresser was just convenient, first the shop was in my old neighbourhood, it was familiar, safe, then she moved to  the same building where I lived and it became even more convenient.

I hated going to the hairdressers, maybe because she never listened, never gave me a good haircut, but because Mum still went to her and I couldn't be arsed finding another hairdresser who I was comfortable or knew, I just stayed with her.

Before I left for the sons wedding last year I got one of the worst haircuts from my hairdresser and still I didn't stray, then she just kept giving me that bad, mullet gone wrong haircut.

So I had to do it, i cheated on my hairdresser and found a new one, and I am loving this new haircut.
oh how we fall and cheat just to feel good...

Now all I can do is pray she doesn't see me in the lift as she works and lives 5 floors below me...






Saturday 28 October 2017

pick myself off the damn floor

So I read all my posts for 2017 and what a miserable read it was.

I seem to be wallowing in self pity with a woe is me attitude.
That is not me, that is someone I dont want to become.

Its been a difficult year but I need to shake myself up and get rid of this doom and gloom feeling.
Yes I am unemployed and will be till I start looking for a job next year.
But I am now working part time just to tide me over till the middle of November, when I leave for my holiday.
That has been my light at the end of the tunnel.  I go to Monaco to visit P and we are driving to Italy ( well P is driving me) to spend about 10 days visiting Florence, Sienna, Venice, Verona and any other little Tuscan town we can.  Tickets have been bought, hotels booked and I cant wait..
I need this holiday, I need to get away and relax and be free.

Then once I am back in Singapore after my Italian escape I have to deal with bathroom renos and then off to Canada in late January for Son no 1's operation.

My life is what I want it to be, so the possibilities are endless, I just need to take the bull by the horns and do it.. and kick myself for letting the bad year bring me down so much.




Sunday 15 October 2017

Walk with me



always alone
Its taken me a long time to wake up and realise A will not be who I want him to be, a partner in my life.  Someone who will walk with me in my journey.

Between the times I told A to fuck off and leave me alone, I tried to date other men, One of them was P.
When I started going out with P I did see what relationships were supposed to be like, and it did scare me.  P scared me with his intensity and I retreated,  and when he found someone else, I thought I had lost him totally.  But we did meet up again as friends and his friendship has been invaluable.
I believe I carried on with A  because I thought both men were giving me a little of what I wanted.  It doesnt work that way does it. When one half is taken away you realise that the other half is woefully inadequate.

Sex once a month or less, hardly any contact, hardly any conversations, hardly anything.  When son no 2 went into hospital, I really needed someone to be there for me, and A didnt want to be that person,  why should he, he wasnt a boyfriend or partner, all we had was an arrangement,  nothing else.

Well I dont want an arrangement, I want to grow old with someone, I want a companion and partner for my remaining days on this earth.  Someone who makes me a priority, someone who isnt afraid to walk with me.